Have you ever seen a movie and thought, "This might be the worst piece of crap I've ever seen, I think I need a rape shower."
Me too.
Let me take a step back a few weeks. It was just an ordinary Saturday night. A few of us were watching TV and enjoying a few drinks. I can't remember how or why it happened, but someone stopped channel surfing on Flashdance.
Sure... No big deal, right. I remember seeing it as a kid. I might have even had the soundtrack on vinyl. It never seemed strange to me... until I saw it again and realized how blind I was as a kid.
It's about a steel welder who wants to ballet dance, and makes money on the side as an exotic dancer. Sure... I'll buy it. She lives in a giant converted warehouse that doubles as her dance studio... o.k.... She loves to hang with an old lady who gives her advice about her steel, sweat and tears life... fine. I'll go hook, line and sinker.
but... they had a dude stunt dancer stand-in playing sweet-tits in the breakdancing routine? A guy that looked nothing like our doe-eyed welder. Jesus Christ! Were there no ladies who could pop and lock??? Fuck this shit. I'm out.
The pure insanity of this movie made my stomach hurt and my eyes water. I want to know how it's possible that none of the fellas from the steel mill didn't recognize Flashy at the local strip club. How she could afford a huge warehouse loft but not a car. Why she had no friends other than the old bag that dies. How a stripper with no real formal training could join a professional ballet. It really doesn't make any sense at all.
I understand that sometimes you need to suspend disbelief to enjoy flicks, but they must have thought that audiences were just dumb. How did we not see this piece of poop for what it was? Maybe it was the catchy songs... I did have the album... or was it my sister's... I don't remember... Maybe I just liked to stare at that trashy piece of ass on the front of the sleeve. I was 7 when it came out and I already knew what a dirty slut was. awesome.
So, here we are. I think we need to take a look back at the films we saw as kids and realize how fucking stupid we were.
In fact, I think that the cocaine infused 80's provided us with enough douche-chill inducing movies to keep us busy for a while.
Hello, I'm eastcoastmark and I love to scar my retinas. I'll join a few brave souls, who will do the dirty work, so you can get another 90 minutes of sleep. Who knows what we'll see, but I'm sure it will suck rotten balls.
Take it sleazy,
- ecm
1 comment:
I can't believe you said she has no friends. What about the loser comedian guy and, more awesomely, the ice skater chick who, during her big break, smears herself all over the ice all to a soundtrack of Laura Brannigan's Gloria??? Also, I believe there were at least 2 male dancer stand-ins. One of whom had gherri curl and a mustache. Awesome.
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